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What if Superheroes used smartphones?

July 14, 2014 by Omar Sohail

Now, there is not one person on this earth who does not adore superheroes (in this case that would be villains and super-villains alike). From their colorful costumes (though some heroes might refer to them as uniforms or symbols of what they do or what they are all about), to their distinctive insignias, all the way down to their remarkable powers and abilities, every superhero known to man brings something new to the table. The only problem is that, as much as we have adored these beings doing what they do best, whether it might be protecting the weak or the planet from impending doom, we have never actually depicted the kind of lives and activities they would lead if they were leading normal lives as us. Especially in the age of technology, where most superheroes might not be well versed with, given that they are from different planets and origins and are still finding it difficult adapting to their new life on earth, imagine if these superheroes used smartphones and other mobile gadgets on a daily basis o fight crime and save the planet. What do you think would happen? Well! Let us find out.

1. Superman / Kal-el / Clark Kent

Superman Kal El Clark Kent

The infant boy who was sent from the planet Krypton (which was imminent to destruction) and was raised by his surrogate parents on a farm far away from the buzzing city. The sun’s rays gave him abilities far beyond that of mortal men. With his superhuman strength, complete invulnerability from any source of harm, (except kryptonite, red sun rays and magic) flight, super speed, heat vision, x ray vision, and cold breath, you can only assume how safe Metropolis would be with him flying around. Sometimes, Clark forgets his own strength. If you can end up cracking a smartphone’s screen just by dropping it on hard concrete just a few inches from the ground, imagine what Superman could do if he ever grabbed one to make a VOIP call during his job to his surrogate parents? Well, he would end up having an expensive mutilated paper weight in the palm of his hands. Even if he managed to control his strength to keep the phone from breaking his hands, the screen would be unable to hold out against his typing strength and would end up shattering. Simply stated, perhaps Clark’s biggest pay cut from his salary as a news reporter would be from purchasing too many smartphones. Looks like Apple, Google and Microsoft should shoot up manufacturing a robust gadget for him, seeing as how such delicate products won’t last in his hands.

2. Batman / Bruce Wayne

Batman Bruce Wayne

There is a reason why Superman has referred to him as the most dangerous human being on the planet. Criminals and thugs fear him more than they fear Superman. If he catches you, you can say goodbye to a number of bones and organs in your body. While you’re at the doctors, recovering from numerous injuries, consider having some facial reconstruction surgery done as well. Born to the wealthy Wayne family and inheriting his fathers’ worldly possessions after his parents were brutally murdered in cold blood, Bruce Wayne has all the money in the world and what does he do with it; runs his multibillion dollar empire prudently, allocates a huge amount of money for charity and the people who need it the most but best of all, protecting those who cannot protect themselves. He might not have any superpowers, but with a mind like his, who needs superpowers? He would probably never have to purchase another smartphone from any company, not when he could design a custom smartphone for himself; one that will aid him in running his business and side by side, act as a nifty gadget for his night escapades and connects him with police commissioner Gordon through smartphone VOIP app calls rather through the hologram call. For Bruce Wayne, the functionalities of the custom smartphone would end till the sky’s limit. Summoning his batmobile or the batwing could be done in the tap of a single button, not to mention hacking computers and mainframes would be done in the blink of an eye. When you want a custom gadget in the palm of your hands, all you need to think about is contacting Bruce Wayne.  

3. Wonder Woman / Diana Prince

 Wonder Woman

The daughter of Queen Hippolyta, and the first child born on Paradise Island (or Themyscira), Diana and her fellow Amazonian warriors are secluded from the rest of mankind due to the destruction that mankind causes each other. When Diana would leave Paradise Island to come in to contact with mankind as an ambassador to build close relationships with them and the Amazonians, you can only imagine how uncomfortable the Princess would be feeling. With all the boys eye balling her over her beauty and of course her overly revealing outfit, and other women judging her and flaming with envy; an ‘outcast’ would be the perfect word to describe Diana. Though her powers are enough to rival Superman’s (just the flight and strength ones), mastering the use of a smartphone might prove to be her greatest challenge yet. Something as delicate as a smartphone can easily be broken by Diana’s hands and since living all her life in a secluded island has left her inept to the products of technology, accomplishing this task would require far more effort than defeating Ares.

4. Wolverine / James "Logan" Howlett

Wolverine James Logan Howlett

What happens when a mutant with metal claws get his hands on a gadget as delicate as a smartphone? Simple; if the smartphone is not functioning according to his needs, then that would frustrate him beyond reason. Heck that would frustrate anybody. Since smartphones have no legs to escape (too bad for them), it will end up being sliced in to pieces. Perhaps smartphone manufacturing companies can start lacing their smartphones with adamantium; starting with the screen. In this way, at least Logan will be prevented from spending tons of money buying smartphones.

5. Flash / Wally West

Flash Wally West

Irrespective of the fact that Wally West’s lab accident allowed him to tap into the speed force, allowing him to run faster than anything on this planet (even Superman has trouble catching up to Flash), and alter his molecular form to phase through solid objects such as walls, he is probably the only superhero who knows how to crack a joke when his whole Justice League team is under pressure. When you form a formidable Justice League, there will always be difference of opinions arising. When these differences get out of hand, as they have on multiple occasions, Wally West is always there to hit off steam or force the team to take a break and relax. However, just because Wally is good company up close and personal does in no way makes him a good texting companion. By the time you end up composing the text to send to him, he’s already sent you 20 of those; 10 regular texts, 5 selfies and 5 audio notes from his smartphone, so if you cannot muster up the necessary patience needed to read all of Wally’s 150 messages that he sends you per single minute, it’s better to block him from your friend’s list.

Super heroes being engaged in daily activities such as using a smartphone might be the biggest ordeals of their superhero careers. These guys might take down beings with invincible powers, but it is a whole new story when you hand a smartphone in their hands.


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